Clean Jokes

Joke: A deckhand approaches the pirate captain and tells him, "The cannons be ready, captain."

The captain replies, "Are."

Joke: A private is standing outside in the smoking area when he is approached by a young lieutenant, "Private, do you have change for a dollar?!"

The private replies, "I sure do pal."

The lieutenant yells back, "I am not your pal! You will address me as an officer and give me the respect I have earned maggot! Stand at attention and tell me again, do you have change for a dollar?"

The private, now standing perfectly erect says, "Sir, no sir!"

Joke: What's the best way to play doctor with somebody?

Joke: Why'd the man's wife think he was dreaming about writing The Lord of the Rings?

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Theodore!
Theodore who?
Theodore wasn't open, so I knocked!