Clean Jokes

Joke: A blonde goes to the doctor and tells him she has been extremely moody lately and can't control her temper.

He suggests, "Sounds like stress. You should try getting some exercise. Run 10 miles a day and call me in a couple of weeks."

She does this and calls him in a couple of weeks, "I've been running every day and I do feel a little better."

He asks her, "And how's your family?"

She replies, "How would I know? I'm 140 miles away."

Joke: A knight and his men come back to the castle after a long day. The king asks him, "How are we faring?"

The knight replies, "Sire, I have been robbing, pillaging and burning down the towns of your enemies in the north all day long."

The king shrieks, "What?! I have no enemies in the north!"

The night replies, "Oh... You do now."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Lego!
Lego who?
Lego to the movies!

Joke: A man and his wife are pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to the man's window and says "Sir you were going 60 in a 45."

The man says "I was only going 55!"

His wife hits him in the arm and says "No, you were going 65." He gives her a very dirty look.

The officer continues "I'm also going to have to give you a ticket for a broken taillight."

The man says "Broken taillight? I had no idea."

His wife hits him in the arm again and says "What? I've been telling you to get it fixed for weeks."

The man yells "Will you be quiet?"

The officer looks at his wife and asks "Mam, does he always talk to you that way?"

The mans wife shrugs and says "Only when he drinks."

Joke: A man in a bar sees a friend at a table drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments "You look terrible. What's the problem?"

"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."

"Gee, that's tough," he replied.

"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."

"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."

"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."

"And this month," continued, the friend sadly, "Nothing."