Author's Riddles

Question: I never sleep yet sometimes I weep. I can get angry or just be happy. Wherever you go I will follow. No matter what you do I will be there. I can not die. What am I?

Question: What will happen if you shave a pink sheep on a green farm with a pair of brown shears?

Question: if you have a chicken that can lay only 5 eggs every 2 hours and you have to get 10 eggs to the market by 6:00 and the current time is 5:00, how do you get all 10 eggs to the market on time ?

Question: What is the first thing you see?

Question: If you want to become a master at playing the fiddle and you walk down to the fork in the road, you sit and some creature is going up your back, you follow the pattern of the creature on your back to be a master of playing the fiddle, what creature is going up your back?

Question: I have only one arm yet I can steal you blind. I keep my money in a safe place yet every time I lose it again just to gain it back. What am I?

Question: I have a long sticky tongue and four legs. What am I?

Question: a man was on vacation with his wife and he left the kids home with the nanny, the babysitter, and the doctor, so the day went on and the phone rang and it was the nanny she said: oh it's okay here and i'm loving the kids she said just a couple moments ago i was watering the garden. and a couple moments later the babysitter called and said oh i was just playing go fish with the sister and then the doctor called and said ah yes everything is perfectly divine here and so nice and healthy and i just fixed the kids a healthy vitamin filled fruits and healthy spring water the time came where they had to come home so they arrived and the brother said mom dad it was so great how the doctor let me sit around all day and eat junk food and watch television well i drank gallons of pop and ate tons and pounds of unhealthy garbage and potato chips and candy and the sister was telling them how it was great how they let her watch scary movies and go stay up all night. and the brother was also telling them that when he went to go look out the window he saw the nanny watering the garden the brother said it did not look like he was watering the garden it looked like he was poring plant killer on it witch kid was telling a lie?

Question: A man walks into a bar and says: Give me today's special. The bartender says: In a shot or a bottle? The man says: In a shot. The bartender gives it to him. He drinks it and then he dies. Why did he die?

Author's Jokes

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Joke: What do you call corn mixed with a crab?

Punch line: Corn on the crab.

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Joke: What do you call a king that jumps?

Punch line: A kingaroo!

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