Funny Jokes

Joke: The captain of a cruise ship has a parrot. Him and his parrot go to the magic show on board every night. and every night the parrot calls the magician out on his trickery , "It's up his sleeve!", "There is a hole in his hat!", "There's a fake bottom!"

So finely one day the magician gets so fed up with the parrot he pulls out a gun, shoots at the bird, misses the bird and hits the boiler. This causes the ship to blow up into bits.

The magician grabs onto a piece of floating wood and the parrot lands on his shoulder. The parrot looks at him and says, "I give up, where's the boat?"

Joke: Two guys stumble out of the bar and want to fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'm gonna punch you!"

That was the punch line.

Joke: Why don't blind people like to skydive?

Joke: The preacher at a church is giving a sermon about marriage and how sacred it is. He asks for a volunteer who has been married happily for 50 years. An older man stands and says he is just approaching his 50th anniversary.

The priest asks him how he has managed to stay happy for so long. The man replies, "I do everything I can to keep her happy. But most importantly, I took her to Rome for our 25th anniversary."

The priest replies, "That's great! What do you guys plan on doing on your 50th?"

The man says, "I'm probably going to bring her back."

Joke: One day a priest leaves the church and decides to sit at a nearby pier and watch the fisherman. While sitting, one of the fisherman invites the priest to join him. The priest agrees and they start fishing. After a few minutes the priest pulls up a huge fish. The priest, shocked, yells out, "Woah! Look at that son of a bitch!"

The priest looks at the fisherman and says, "Please mind your language."

The fisherman replies, "Oh... No father, that's the name of a fish. It's a sonofabitch."

The priest heads back to the church. On his way he sees the bishop and addresses him, "Look at the sonofabitch I just caught at the pier!"

The bishop replies, "Father! You are in the house of the lord!"

The priest says, "Oh no! That's the name of the fish, it's a sonofabitch."

The bishop replies, "Oh, if you give me it I can clean it and have Mother Superior cook it for our dinner with the pope."

He cleans the fish and brings it to Mother Superior, "Can you cook this sonofabitch."

She replies, "Why I never! What language for a bishop!"

The bishop tells her, "No, that's the name of the fish. Can you cook it for our dinner with the pope?"

She agrees and makes it up for their dinner with the pope. They sit down with the pope and he takes one bite, "This is wonderful! What is it?"

The priest says, "I caught that sonofabitch."

The bishop says, "I cleaned that sonofabitch."

Mother Superior says, "And I cooks that sonofabitch."

The pope gives them all a blank stare for a moment, takes off his hat, puts it on the table, and says, "You fuckers are alright."