Funny Jokes

Joke: A man goes home and asks his wife, "If I won the lotto, what would you do?"

She replies, "I'd leave you and take half."

The man pulls out a ticket, "I just won $10. Here's five, now get out."

Joke: What do pirates say on their 80th birthday?

Joke: A blonde chicks boyfriend found out her password was "Snow White and the seven dwarfs." When he asked her why she replied, "They said it had to be 8 characters long at least."

Joke: A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together. They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me."

Joke: What did the tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into eachother?