Joke: A man turns forty so he goes to the doctor for his first rectal exam. A week later he comes in for another rectal exam and the doctor says "I guess you can never be too safe."

Two days later the man comes in requesting the same exam and the doctor says "Are you sure? I guess it's your money."

Suddenly the doctor feels a prick on his finger. He says "Here's your problem, you have a dozen roses in your rectum."

The man grins at him and says "Read the card. Read the card!"

Joke: A guy is in a car accident and he breaks both of his legs. He calls the police and they ask him what street he is on and he says "I'm on Schlepsentle Road."

The officer says "Can you spell that sir?"

The man thinks for a while and answers "I'll crawl over to Oak."

Joke: What's red and smells like blue paint?

Joke: Chemist 1: Did you know they discovered a new element?
Chemist 2: No, what's it called?
Chemist 1: It's symbol is Ah.
Chemist 2: Oh... The element of surprise.

Joke: Why don't mathematicians drink?

Joke: Three little old ladies are sitting on a park bench feeding birds when a man comes by and flashes them all.

The first two little old ladies both have a stroke, but the third couldn't quite reach.