Joke: How do you get the water into watermelon?

Joke: A man accidentally sent a picture of his penis to everybody in his address book.

Not only did he feel stupid afterwords, it cost him 20 dollars in stamps!

Joke: Three guys are hanging out at one of their houses when a terrible storm starts. It's so bad that they can't leave the house all night. So they decide to go to bed, the only problem is that there is only one large bed so they all have to share it.

When they wake up the next morning the guy who slept on the right says, "I had the best dream, a beautiful woman was giving me a handjob."

Next the guy who slept on the left side says, "That's weird, I had a dream where I was getting a handjob from a sexy lady."

The last guy, the one in the middle, frowns and says, "I had a dream I was skiing."

Joke: My brother responded very badly to going to jail. He always yells at everybody, steals, and refuses to drink or eat.

It's the last time we play Monopoly.

Joke: A man is on a blind date with a girl named Marie. Things heat up a little and he asks her, "Would you object to sex?"

Marie tells him, a little embarrassed, "That's something I've never done."

With this he says, "Really? I've never had sex with a virgin."

Marie replies, "No silly. I never object."

Joke: Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?