Joke: Why do dragons hate birthdays?

Joke: What do you call it when fruit takes money from a bank?

Joke: John was in an accident and his face was badly burned. The doctors couldn't reconstruct his face with John's own skin because he was so skinny. But his wife said they could use hers. The doctor decided that the best skin to be used was from her butt. So they took her skin and reconstructed Johns face.

After the surgery he looked better than ever! His entire family was amazed, but none of them ever learned where the skin came from; they assumed it was his own.

One night John is overcome with emotion so he begins to cry and tells his wife "I love you so much. I'm so grateful for your sacrifice."

She shrugs and says "Honey, all of the thanks I need comes when your mother kisses you on the cheek."

Joke: What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

Joke: A blonde wife texts her husband while he is at work saying "Windows frozen."

He responds "Pour some room temperature water over it."

She texts him "No longer frozen, computers dead."

Joke: A man walks up to a large woman on a table and says "Damn! Nice legs."

She replies "You really think so?"

The man says "Hell yeah! Most tables would have broken by now. Must be oak."