Joke: When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, his mother checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Joke: John was feeling guilty, so he went to church for a confession.
John: Forgive me Father, I have sinned. I stole some wood from a construction site.
The priest: Well what did you do with the lumber my son?
John: Well my sons wheelchair ramp was broken so I fixed it.
The priest: At least you did good with it.
John: Wait father, I had some wood left.
The priest: What did you do with it?
John: My dog was cold so I built him a house.
The priest: I guess you still did good with it.
John: Wait father, I had some wood left.
The priest: What did you do with it?
John: My car was cold, so I built it a two-car garage to keep it warm.
The priest: That is a little out of hand...
John: But father, I still had a little wood left. My wife had always wanted a bigger house, so I built a second floor for our house.
The priest: Whoa! That's way too much! You are going to have to make a Novena for penance. Do you know how to make a Novena?
John: No, but if you have the plans I have plenty of wood.

Joke: A blonde girl comes home from school one day and tells her mom "We were learning our numbers today and everyone else could only count to 5, I could count to 10. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

Her mom tells her "Great job honey!"

The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom tells her it is.

The next day the blonde girl comes home from school and tells her mom "We were learning our alphabets today and everyone else could only get to E, I got to J. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J!"

Her mom tells her "Great job honey!"

The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom tells her it is.

The blonde girl comes home from school the next day and tells her mom "Today we were in the showers after gym class and all of the other girls were flat chested, and I have these!" The girl lifts her shirt revealing very large breasts.

Her mom tells her "Um... Great job honey."

The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom replies "No dear, it's because you're 25."

Joke: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Joke: x² asks x³ if he believes in God.

x³ replies, "Well, I believe in higher powers."

Joke: What is every pirate's favorite amino acid?