Joke: Two guys are at the bar together talking about their wives. The first guy says "Every night I stay out late I go home and I come in as quietly as I can. Then I get into bed as gently as I can and my wife still wakes up to yell at me!"

His friend replies "You're going about it all wrong. When I stay out late I go home and make as much noise as I want. Then I get into bed, feel my wife's body, and ask her if she wants to get busy... She's always fast asleep."

Joke: Customer: The new one I bought from you sucks more than the old one!
Customer service: I'm glad to hear you are satisfied with your new vacuum sir.

Joke: Where does mistletoe go to become famous?

Joke: What do you call two rabbits with an oxygen atom between them?

Joke: What is everybody's favorite aspect of mathematics?

Joke: Why did the pig go into the kitchen?