Joke: Yo mama's armpits are so hairy, she looks like she has Big Foot in a headlock.

Joke: Tom and John are hanging out. Tom asks John, "It's fuckin' freezin' in here. Can you get me my fuckin' slippers?"

John goes upstairs to get the slippers and he comes across Tom's hot 21-year-old twin sisters. He tells them, "Your brother told me to have sex with both of you."

One of the sisters replies, "Prove it!"

John yells downstairs, "Tom! Both of them?!."

Tom yells back, "Of course! What's the point of fuckin' one?!."

Joke: How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?

Joke: A preacher is coming to the end of his sermon and he tells the congregation, "In preparation for next week's sermon, everybody read Leviticus chapter 28."

Next week when everybody comes in the preacher follows up, "Now who read Leviticus chapter 28?" Almost everybody raises their hands. The preacher says, "Okay, good. There is no Leviticus chapter 28. I'd like to begin my sermon on lying."

Joke: The manager of a factory is looking to make the factory more cost efficient. He calls all of his employees to the floor and tells them, "The first man to come up with a great way for us to save money will get $5,000."

A man in front quickly raises his hand. The manager asks him, "That was quick, what's your idea Tom?"

Tom swiftly replies, "Make it $2,000?"

Joke: A kid was in the hospital because he ate six plastic horses. The doctor described his condition as stable.