Joke: Why can it be hard to work at an apple pie factory?

Joke: A kid comes home from school and tells his dad, "You have to go see my Math teacher."

His father asks why and the kid replies, "Well he asked me what 7 * 4 was and I said '28'. Then he asked what 4 * 7 was and I said, 'What's the fucking difference.'"

His father replies, "Indeed, what is the difference? Okay, I'll go."

The next day the boy comes home and asks, "Did you go to my school yet?"

The father replies, "Nope."

The boy says, "Well you have to see my Gym teacher too. Today I was in class and he told us to stand on our right leg for ten minutes. Then he told us to do the same with our left leg. So I asked him, 'Want me to stand on my cock next?'"

The dad replies, "Exactly, did he? I'll go soon."

The following day the boy comes home from school and says, "Don't bother going to my school. I got expelled."

His dad asks, "Why were you expelled?"

He replies, "Well they called me into the office and waiting for me was the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the science teacher."

"What the fuck was the science teacher there for?" His dad asked.

"That's what I said!"

Joke: I just invented a word...

Joke: A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charity that comes his way. The local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet. They go to his door and he answers, "What do you want?"

One of the ladies replies, "Hello Mr. Smith. We know you are very wealthy and we know you also never give to charity. Wouldn't you enjoy giving back to an organization that helps dogs much like your own?"

The lawyer looks her dead in the eye and replies, "Do you also know that both of my parents are suffering life-threatening illnesses and have medical bills several times their own income?"

The lady, taken back, replies, "Well.. No... I thought..."

He interrupts her, "Did you also know my sister's husband left her and their two kids without a penny?"

Still stuttering she replies, "Um... Oh my...."

"And my brother lost his legs in the war," The lawyer continues. At this point the people from the shelter are dumbstruck and aren't saying a word. Then he finishes, "If they don't get a cent, do you expect to?"

Joke: Why do police get up so early?

Joke: Why are teachers and trains always at odds?