Joke: After twenty years of marriage a man and his wife go to the hotel they celebrated their first night of marriage in. The wife strips her clothes off and asks, "What did you think when you saw me naked for the first time?"

The husband replies, "I wanted to fuck you stupid and suck those titties dry."

She smiles and asks him, "What do you think now?"

He replies, "I think I did a pretty damn good job."

Joke: Four ladies are sitting together talking about their sons. The first one brags, "My son is is a bishop, every time he walks into a room people say, 'Your excellence'."

The second lady brags, "My son is is a cardinal, every time he walks into a room people say, 'Your eminence'."

The third lady brags, "My son is is the pope, every time he walks into a room people say, 'Your holiness'."

The final lady says, "My son doesn't have a title, he weighs 500 pounds and is only 5 feet tall. But every time he walks into a room everybody says, 'Oh my god!'"

Joke: Why is your nose in the middle of your face?

Joke: Most people use pepper to make themselves sneeze, Chuck Norris uses pepper spray.

Joke: A man gets pulled over for drunk driving and is put into handcuffs. The female police officer that pulled him over tells him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

He stumbles and yells, "Tits!"

Joke: Do you know what happened to the blonde who tried to blow up her car?