Joke: A man invents a machine that slaps anybody who lies. He tries it out on his family at dinner. He asks his son, "Why were you so late last night getting home?"

The son replies, "I was just studying at the library." SLAP! "Fine, I was at John's house watching TV." SLAP! "Fine, porn!"

His father looks at him disgusted, "At your age I didn't even know what porn was." SLAP!

The man's wife begins to laugh, "He's definitely your son." SLAP!

Joke: A man walks into a bar and grabs a menu:

Hamburger $5

Beer $5

Handjob $5

A gorgeous waitress walks up to take his order and he asks her, "Are you the ones giving the handjobs?"

She licks her lips and replies, "Yes."

He puts a $5 bill on the table and says, "Well wash your hands, I want a burger!"

Joke: Why's an abortion clinic the worst place to lock your keys in your car?

Joke: What three words does no woman want to hear during sex?

Joke: What do you call dogs that are born outside during winter?

Joke: What do you call a pile of kittens?