Dirty Jokes

 

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Joke: This little girl showers with her mother every day. One day, the curious girl asks her mother what that is between her mother's legs. She tells her it's her beaver. When the mother goes on vacation the girl stays with her grandmother and also showers with her. When the mother gets back and they are taking a shower, the girl says, "mommy I think grandma's beaver is dead". The mother asks her why she would ever say that and she tells her because its tongue is hanging out.


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Joke:  Little Johny and little Suzi are playing in the woods. They both have to pee so little Johny unzips and whips it out and starts peeing at the same time little Suzi reaches under her dress and pulls her panties down, squats, and starts peeing. Little Johny looks at little Suzy and asks her where her thing is. At the same time she is asking him what is that thing sticking out from him. That night after dinner, both ask their parents about it. The next day they are playing out in the woods and little Johny has to pee. He unzips and pulls it out and says, "My daddy told me what this is." Little Suzy asks what and he replies, "My daddy told me that with one of these (pointing at his penis) I can get one of those (pointing at her crotch). Little Suzy tells him, "Aw that's nothin. My mommy told me that with one of these (pointing at her crotch) I can get as many of those as I want (pointing at his penis).


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Joke: A man in his early 30's boards a flight from New York to L.A. and is seated next to a woman in her early 30's. Both are attracted to each other and start up a conversation. The two of them lol together when they find out they are exactly the same age being born on the same day, month and year. The woman suddenly remembers she had breast implants and had not pumped them up for over a week. Embarrassed and wanting to impress the man she excuses herself to go to the restroom. In the bath room she quickly checks her hair and make-up while flopping her arms like a chicken to pump her breasts up. The man remembers he had an operation to help enhance himself so when she leaves he quickly checks his breath while pumping the size of his penis up by squeezing his legs together several times. They hit it off so well, 1 year later they get married. 7 years into the marrage the man is on his way home from working late and calls his wife and says, "Hey honey, for my birthday present tonight, how about we do that thing I like to do?" And she replies, "Hey honey, for my birthday present tonight, how about we don't."


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Joke: Centuries ago in Africa 3 men discover the burial ground of an African tribe. Late one night, the 3 men get caught by the tribesmen looting the burial ground. The 3 men are tied up and surrounded by the tribe until the chief shows up the next day to render their punishment. When the chief shows up he asks the first man, "Death or baguanna?" The man asks the chief, "What's baguanna?" And the chief replies, "Death or baguanna?" The man does not want to die so he chooses baguanna. Every tribesman butt fucks the man and they let him go. The chief asks the second man, "Death or baguanna?"   The man says to himself, "Oh my God, I don't want to die." So he chooses baguanna. Same thing happens to him and they let him go. Chief asks the third man, "Death or baguanna?" The man looks at the entire tribe flipping them all off and says, "Fuck you mother fuckers. No one's fucking me in the ass." So he tells the chief, "l choose death." The chief then says, "O.K. death by baguanna."


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