Dirty Jokes

Joke: A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room waiting for the doctor. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"

The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."

The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a urine test."

Joke: What's another name for a nude beach?

Joke: Lisa's mom is doing laundry and Lisa brings in a shirt and says "I've got another dirty shirt."

Her mother who is hard of hearing replies "Come again?"

Surprised Lisa says "No, paint."

Joke: A cop is doing his regular patrol and sees a car parked in the lover's lane with the windows all steamy. He approaches the car and knocks on the window. "Can I help you officer?" the boy inside the car asks the officer.

The cop replies, "Uh, yeah. What are you guys doing out here so late?"

The boy replies, "I'm just reading a book. She's back there playing games on her phone, I think."

The cop asks him, "Son, have you been drinking?"

The boy replies, "No way, I'm only twenty."

The cop looks to the girl, "And how old is she?"

The guy checks him phone, "Sir, in ten minutes she will be eighteen."

Joke: Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile. He sets it on the counter and announces to the bar, "Let's all make a deal. I'm going to put my scrotum in the crocodile's mouth and shut it. After a minute I'll open his mouth and my testicles will be fine. If I can do it, you all get me a beer!"

The entire bar shouts their approval so he opens the crocodile's mouth, puts his genitals in, and shuts its mouth. After a minute of drinking a beer Steve takes his empty bottle and cracks the crocodile over the head with it causing him to open his mouth. Steve takes his genitals out unscathed as promised. Then he announces, "If anyone else can do it I'll give 'em $100!"

After a few minutes of silence a shy blonde woman walks over to him and says, "I'll try that, just don't hit me so hard with the bottle."