Clean Jokes

Joke: What's the best way to burn 1000 calories?

Joke: A doctor, a priest, and an army general are all flying in a plane together. To help the people the doctor drops a first aid kit and the priest drops a bible. The army general has nothing else to drop so he drops a grenade.

They land on the ground and first they find a man playing with the bandages from the first aid kit. Next they find a man unconscious on the ground with the bible next to him. Finally they come to a young boy who is laughing hysterically. When they ask him what is so funny he replies "My grandpa farted and my house exploded!"

Joke: A man went to a brain store to get a brain to complete a study. He sees a sign indicating the profession of each type of brain. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for an engineer's brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for a programmer's brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for a lawyer's brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is a lawyer's brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to use to get one ounce of brain?"

Joke: What is the best way to kill a hipster?

Joke: A mother and her son go to church and the son says "Mom, I have to go pee!"

The mom says "You shouldn't say that in church. From now on just say you have to whisper."

The next week when the boy's father takes him to church the boy says "Dad, I have to whisper."

The dad replies "Okay... Just whisper into my ear."