Question: A rich man named Steven goes to a bar and sees his long lost poor brother, Martin. "What've you been up to lately?" Steven says to Martin. "Well, one night, me and my daughter went fishing together. It was so much fun, probably the best time of my life. We told jokes and riddles and sang. In the end, we each caught two fish. We didn't have to buy food for so long, since each fish lasted us about three days," Martin said, grinning. He loved saving money, since he was less fortunate than Steven. Steven said, "Well, that's not SO much. Only 12 days worth of food. That's only 20 dollars or so of fish from the market." "For one thing, 20 dollars is a lot for ME. For another thing--brother, I may be much poorer than you, but at least I got an education! That's 18 days, my brother." Martin laughed. How was it 18 days, not 12?
Answer: Steven misheard "night" for "knight". Really, one KNIGHT, Martin and his daughter went fishing. That's 6 fish, not 4. Steven and Martin explained their sides of the story again and both laughed about it later.
Question: My stem's planted firmly where I am allotted.
My tail is wavy and my face is quite blotted.
I relay much emotion though flatly I'm spotted,
And I grow half my size whenever I'm dotted.
I can speak any language, yet utter no words.
I'm no seed, yet I am well known among birds.
But I do have a speech impediment:
I can say cage but not page, aged but not wage.
I can say deaf but not red, bed but not sled.
I live on a highway that's structurally sound,
Where you might see my friends accidentally bound.
It has many lanes, and also long lines.
There are lots of sharp turns, but plenty of signs.
I am played but not won, made but not spun.
The key is to measure before you've begun.
What am I?
Answer: Musical notes.
Question: There is a small town on the East Coast that has 2 barbershops each with a single barber, and on opposite sides of town. The barbershop in the good part of town is immaculate. The floors and windows are washed and the air is fresh. The barber is very friendly, always smiling, he has shined shoes, a nice head of hair, and a clean dress shirt. The barbershop in the bad part of town is a mess. The entire barbershop is covered with a layer of dirt, and the air smells of trash. The barber always has a frown on his face. His skin is oily, his hair is ragged, and there are always stains visible on his shirt.
A man comes into town and hears of both barbershops and the man decides to go to the dirty barbershop in the bad part of town. Why does he do this?
Answer: The clean-cut barber must have his hair cut by the dirty barber and the dirty barber by the clean-cut barber. So it's obvious that the dirty barber gives a better haircut.
Question: Thomas has missed an excessive number of days of school, so he must meet with Principal Davis. Mr. Davis asks him "Why on Earth have you missed so many days?"
Thomas replies "There just isn't enough time for school. I need 8 hours of sleep a day, which adds up to about 122 days a year. Weekends off is 104 days a year. Summer vacation is about 60 days. If I spend about an hour on each meal, that's 3 hours a day or 45 days a year. I need at least 2 hours of exercise and relaxation time each day to stay physically and mentally fit, adding another 30 days.
Add all of that up and you get about 361 days. That only leaves 4 days for school."
The principal knows Thomas is full of it, but can't figure out why. Where is Thomas going wrong?
Answer: There are two reasons:
First, Thomas is double counting a lot of the days. A lot of the time spent sleeping, eating, and relaxing occurs during weekends and the summer. Weekends also occur during the summer, so all of these hours are getting counted several times.
Secondly, school isn't an all day thing. So the 4 days actually represents more days of school. If school is 6 hours per day, those four days represents 16 days of school.
Question: The rich landlord wants to marry the beautiful farmer's daughter. He tells the daughter that if she doesn't marry him, he will evict her father from the farm and they will be homeless. She begs for mercy. Slyly, the landlord agrees to allow her one chance to stay. He pulls a bag from his pocket, and reaches down and picks up 2 stones from the rocky path then places them in the bag. Reach into the bag and pull out one stone. If you pull out the black stone you will agree to marry me. If you pull out the white stone you and your father can live here rent free. The problem is that she knows that he picked up two black stones and no matter which one she selects she will be forced to marry him. What can she do to avoid marrying the greedy landlord?
Answer: They are standing on a rocky path. She reaches into the bag, pulls out one of the black stones and then pretending to be clumsy drops it onto the rocky path. Oh my, she exclaims.... I dropped it, but whichever color stone is still in the bag will tell us which color stone I dropped!
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