Funny Jokes

Joke: Three men are traveling though the dessert and they are very thirsty. They come to a mysterious water slide in the middle of the dessert that has instructions at the top: "Slide down and yell the drink of your choice and at the bottom you will find a pool of that beverage."

The three men are very excited. The first man slides down and yells "Milk!" He then falls into a pool of water.

The next man goes down and yells "Lemonade!" He falls into a pool full of it.

The final man goes down and overwhelmed with excitement he yells "Weeee!"

Joke: A new father is sitting down with his father for a drink. His dad tells him, "Now that you're a father yourself it's time I give you something."

He replies, "Dad, you're not talking about-."

His father interrupts, "Yes. It's time." With this he hands him a copy of '1000 Dad Jokes, 6th Edition' to his son.

He says with a tear in his eye, "Dad, I'm honored."

"Hi honored," his father replies, "I'm dad."

Joke: A pregnant woman asked her boss if she could have the day off because she wasn't feeling too well. He tells her the only way she is leaving work is if she starts her contractions. So she yells "Can't, didn't, won't, shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't!"

Joke: Three blondes are walking in the forest when they come across some tracks. The first blonde says "These are definitely rabbit tracks."

The second blonde says "Are you crazy? These are bear tracks."

The final blonde says "You're both wrong, these are moose tracks."

They argued for hours until finally the train hit them.

Joke: A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charity that comes his way. The local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet. They go to his door and he answers, "What do you want?"

One of the ladies replies, "Hello Mr. Smith. We know you are very wealthy and we know you also never give to charity. Wouldn't you enjoy giving back to an organization that helps dogs much like your own?"

The lawyer looks her dead in the eye and replies, "Do you also know that both of my parents are suffering life-threatening illnesses and have medical bills several times their own income?"

The lady, taken back, replies, "Well.. No... I thought..."

He interrupts her, "Did you also know my sister's husband left her and their two kids without a penny?"

Still stuttering she replies, "Um... Oh my...."

"And my brother lost his legs in the war," The lawyer continues. At this point the people from the shelter are dumbstruck and aren't saying a word. Then he finishes, "If they don't get a cent, do you expect to?"