Funny Jokes

Joke: An old couple is sitting on their couch and the woman asks her husband "If I die will you get married again."

The husband replies "Well I don't want to be lonely... So yes."

His wife shoots him a dirty look and says "Will you live in our house?"

The husband replies "Well it's already paid off... So yes."

His wife is extremely mad at this point. She asks him "Will she use my golf clubs?!"

The husband replies "Oh no... She's left handed."

Joke: Two chemists walk into a bar and the first one says, "I'll have some H₂O."

The second says, "I'll have some water too. Why'd you say 'H₂O'? We aren't at work."

The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.

Joke: How do you know when a train has just come through?

Joke: Why did the man get a new car for his wife?

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Riverboat!
Riverboat who?
Riverboat young when I first saw you!
(Line from 'Love Story' by Taylor Swift)