goldenapollo1
jack

About: I am very active for being 56 years old I love to write and draw I work construction and live in central Oregon. I love telling jokes and riddles. I have been solving them, creating them, telling them for 49 years. I have also been a gamer for almost as long.


Author's Riddles

Question: The first has: 1 hole - No exits The second has: 1 hole - 2 exits The third has: 1 hole - 3 exits What are they ??? **Hints - The highest of these has been seen after night and can be devastating if you lose it. The middle of these can also be under but mostly for children. The lowest of the three has a twin and can accommodate up to ten.

Hard Riddle (medium)

Question: If 1A is MA and 3C is PA, then what is 2B?

Question: Can you fill in the next 3 letters in the sequence? J-F-M-A-M-J-J-A-?-?-?

What am I (medium)

Question: From a Bishop to a redhead Or an elf to an Inca From solitary to shy From green to purple Or Garnet to wood From glossy to magnificent Even a fish to a rhinoceros.... What are they?

Question: If you were sentenced to death and you were given the choice of how you would die how would you choose to die?

Question: "The Captain is my brother," testified the soldier. But the Captain testified he didn't have a brother. Who is telling the truth?

Question: Can you fill in the next three letters in this sequence? J, F, M, A, M, J, J, A, ?, ?, ?

What am I ? (medium)

Question: I have the power to turn day into night And night into day I am worshiped by many Even when I'm quartered and halved. Look but you shall not find me when I am new.

Question: ENOLA

Question: TIME TIME

Question: N I P

Question: NTUS SUNT TNSU USTN

Question: HSALF

What is it ? (medium)

Question: I am known as a quarter. Brand new I hide from all to see. When I am full, I can guide you so you can dance or walk or sing or talk.

Common factor (medium)

Question: Skirt-Top-Leg-Apron

Common factor (medium)

Question: What do all these names have in common ? Solitairy Bishop Shy Redhead Green Purple Rhinoceros Fish Magnificent Elf Glossy Wood Inca Garnet

What is it ? (medium)

Question: Stars, scores and springs have them. Fingers, and backs have them. Keys, switches and cups have them. Leaders and mothers have them.

What is it ? (medium)

Question: A machine has it yet it can be all you have. It can be the bomb yet we're forever running out of it even though the World has all of it.

What is it ? (medium)

Question: You wait for it. It appears, cracks, stays for a moment, then disappears before your eyes.

What is it ? (medium)

Question: You can find them on plants. One is for music. Most have two. Someone may ask you for yours. Politely, you lend yours to another. Only if you are good you can play by it.

Author's Jokes

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Joke: Two American Indians pass each other in a grocery store parking lot. The Indian going in the store asks, "Hey what do you got ?" "I got a 12 pack of beer for my old lady." The Indian that is leaving answers.Then the Indian going in the store smiles, hits his hand on his chest and points at the other Indian and says, "Good Trade !"


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Joke: How can you spot a tweeker at the grocery store?


Punch line: Because he is the one with the shopping cart upside down fixing the wheel!


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Joke: Why do tweekers like to have sex doggy style?


Punch line: So they both can look out the window...... and keep an eye on their dope


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Joke: What do you call someone who has been up for two weeks?


Punch line: A two-weeker ( tweeker)


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Joke: What would happen if ( say the name of some known tweeker town) "some-town-name" burnt down?


Punch line: It would crack back


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Joke: What is the slowest thing in the world?


Punch line: A tweeker in a hurry!


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Joke: How many tweekers does it take to change a light bulb?


Punch line: 4, one to hold the light bulb and three to smoke until the room spins.


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Joke: What does Sex and Air have in common?


Punch line: Neither of them are that big of a deal until you are not getting any.


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Joke: A retired couple was working in their garden for a few hours one morning. It was getting close to lunch so the husband looked around for his wife. He finally spotted her bent over next to the barbecue. With out even thinking he blurted out, "Damn honey, your arse is almost as wide as the BBQ!" As soon as he said it, he knew he was in deep trouble. During lunch he expected her to say something to him but by the time they crawled into bed that night she still had not said a thing. He figured she had just let it pass, so he asked her if she wanted to have sex. She answered, "What? You expect me to fire up this big ole arse barbecue up for that small weenie? "


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Joke:   Two college kids that have never tried drugs before decide they're going to buy some on a friday night. They get caught with them and spend the weekend in jail. On Monday morning they go before the judge. They have never been in trouble before and did not have a criminal record. The judge looks them both in the eyes and asks, So I suppose you boys are trying to make a career out of doing drugs now? NO, NO we're not! They both cried out. So the judge thinks about it for a second and then says, I'm going to cut you boys a break. Here's what I want you to do. I want you both to come back in 20 days. And in 20 days time between the two of you, I want you to have found 20 of your College friends that you have talked out of doing drugs and into staying in college. Can you do that? Yes, yes your Honor. They both reply. Then one of the boys asks, How are we supposed to do that? Well I've heard of a big circle little circle method the judge answered but you'll have to go online and figure that out yourselves. Come back and see me in 20 days.(the Judge's gavel comes smacking down) When they come back 20 days later the judge asked the first kid, So how did you do?He answers, (cont. in Punch line below)


Punch line: ( cont.) Your honor, I personally got 30 students to quit doing drugs and stay in school. The judge says that's Great! How did you do it? I did the big circle little circle method. First I drew the big circle and I told them, This is your brain before you do drugs. Then I drew the little circle and told them, This is your brain after you do drugs. That's when the other kid stood up yelling you did the wrong one. The judge looks at him and asks how many students did he get to quit doing drugs and stay in school? He answered, Your honor I personally got over 200 students to quit doing drugs and stay in school. The judge is ecstatic and says that's GREAT!!! How did you do it? The student explains that he did the big circle little circle method as well. Then he went on to explain that he drew the little circle first and told them, This is your butt hole before you go to prison, ....


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Joke: What did the two tampons say to each other?


Punch line: Nothing because they were both stuck up c**ts


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Joke: What does a woman and an airplane have in common?


Punch line: They both have a cockpit


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Joke: What did the fish say when it hit the wall ?


Punch line: DAM !!!


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Joke: What do you call a gay female dinosaur?


Punch line: A Lickalotapus


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Joke: What do you call a gay male dinosaur?


Punch line: A Mega-saur-ass


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Joke: What is the difference between O.J. Simpson and Simba from the 'Lion King'?


Punch line: One is an African lion and the other is a lyin' African.


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Joke: Are the Tickle Me Elmo dolls male or female?


Punch line: They're all males because they get two 'test tickles' before being sent to stores!


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Joke: What do you call a snowboarder without a girlfriend?


Punch line: Homeless


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